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POCKETS.

5.21.21

An amusing and adorable behavior often noted by the general public is when people get excited about pockets on dresses. This is a big deal and should be celebrated by all, but can we please just put pockets on everything already? 


I do not enjoy carrying a purse, a bag, a pocketbook, or whatever you refer to them as. Maybe one of the reasons I like winter is because I get to wear a coat, which almost always has pockets. If your coat doesn’t have pockets… you need to buy a new coat immediately.


These convenient, sewn-in, fabric satchels allow me to leave the house without having to bring one more item I’ll potentially lose in a public place. Not to mention, when I have to bring a bag that’s just another part of the outfit. I have to try and match this new accessory to the rest of my get-up. 


Putting an outfit together can be fun and rewarding, but it’s also exhausting. Purchasing a dress with pockets is like winning the lottery. Dress, shoes, maybe some sunglasses: look out world, here comes a fashion icon. Then I go from coordinating an outfit to doing the necessity check: phone, keys, wallet, and now, a face mask.


The most horrifying violation to fashion to ever take place was a fake pocket, or as one of my favorite coworkers once referred to them as, “fockets” (you know who you are). What is the purpose of this mirage? I imagine the person who makes these pants is sitting in a warehouse filled with denim, along with an assortment of other fabrics, maniacally cackling at us focket wearers. The frequency with which the focket is implemented onto a pair of pants is alarming.


On the other hand, you have some pieces of clothing covered in a sea of pockets. Why leave others starved for storage? Have you seen cargo shorts? Fishing vests and hats? Why do people who go fishing need so many damn pockets? You have a tackle box. I feel like a cup holder for a beer would be more appropriate fishing gear than a pocket. Are the pockets big enough to hold beers (asking for a friend)? 


Give them back to dresses and skinny jeans. Give the pocket back to cute outfits. If I look cute the chances of me having no pockets increases, as well as the probability of consuming alcoholic beverages. This, my friends, is a crime against not only fashion, but logic.


Why would I want phantom pockets? Why is the alternative no pockets at all, or a pocket no bigger than a nickel? These pouches are the lifeblood of what holds my life together. When I don’t have them I’m a mess (full disclosure: it may not be the absence of pockets). I can go out, have some drinks with friends, and have confidence in my ability to unlock the door when I come home. So please, for comfort and convenience sake, keep stitching pockets into dresses. In fact, put them on everything.

Pockets.: Project
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